I’m sorry （ごめんなさい）
I’m sorry that you didn’t trust me I didn’t even trust myself I’m sorry that I went all the way to Tsukuba without you I met your friends who became my friends and now are long forgotten. I’m sorry for our trauma. I’m sorry you excluded me from your conversations…
I broke a nail
Remember when they called you an archetype engine hard-working achieving praising you in a choir „she was made in Germany“ they changed the lyrics. Now you‘re just a heretic expelled from the King‘s garden Archetype Engine, she was made in Germany. But you‘ve long forgotten where you came from I was scanning the days, arranging the ticking time in small jam jars on your marble kitchen counter.
Quarantine Poem #5
I’m reading the news and get stuck with the photos of someone getting engaged. Their happiness I cannot understand the girl has been replaced I remember she was more blonde before. I’m reading the news and don’t understand why life has been on repeat for a year and my friends are still waiting for me and I am still waiting for myself It’s an endless queue I’m reading the news, seeing a different reality than you wanting to share it with you, knowing we will just fight about my believe and your believe and break each others hearts for the sake of being right.
Quarantine Poem #4
I have lost you in a lotus flower pond When I entered your house The white staircase leads to an empty room Once I knew everything about us The self grown vegetables on the kitchen counter The fruit bowl only filled with lemons A clock on the wall shaped like sunshine The moon looking through the window At the ceiling The cat died from eating bleach And my love died from drinking poison You fed me foul vegetables for a decade And here is your can full of worms Since I’m your pandora I miss the white staircase The clock shaped like sunshine The lemons bitter waiting in a bowl A cat’s skeleton in your yard The scent of lotus covering up the smell Of a rotten corpse Admitting, I’m still thinking of you secretly While trying to purge the poison You fed me for a lifetime
Quarantine Poem #3
I sometimes wake up next to you wondering why I accepted a western life no separated futons, no separated rooms. Intimacy in front of other people You’re cooking the meals instead of me (You’re not getting angry at me buying the wrong instant noodles) I still claim the laundry I still clean the floors. You sometimes forget that all I learned I found it under cherry blossom trees. And most of the time I feel so alien being European in Europe.
Quarantine Poem #2
I’ve been reading about foxes, living in peach tree forests, more than ten miles away from heaven. I’ve seen mountains reaching up all into the sky where there is lightning and thunder, piercing through stone. I’ve seen gods writing down our fate with black ink and delicate brushes on bamboo wood. I tasted wine, sweeter than honey under starry skies. I was diving deep into a cold sea to find pearls shining as white as the moon. I’ve found angels sitting at the foot of a mountain collecting berries and knitting scarfs humming a song I used to once know
Quarantine Poem #1
Clouds dividing the sky in sharp lines the pink ones taste like memories I’ve been walking between spheres My feet not touching the asphalt Short grey trees with spiky tops standing close together luring me into a darkness I haven’t seen this much solidarity But nature treats us equally. A moment ago I spotted a cicada Comparing it to late summer Tokyo A realisation it’s just some black piece of plastic on a slanted ground It must be winter somewhere else.
Don’t you think I have forgotten you while new words are swirling around me and a culture so alien to me as I was never born in a cold winter on the seaside. If you think I’ve forgotten you look at the letters I send you I’m connected to you with the blue ink through my pen, the longing on the paper, I will vanish before them. Don’t be scared I’ve forgotten you The season is here, where I put my feelings on ice. I’ll carve your name in a stone and I wait for the snow to cover it up. I’ll meet you again in spring, when the Galanthus is blooming.